Getting Personal

Today I am compelled to write about my daughter. This is not from an advocate, this is from me, the Momma of a child with Dyslexia. The Momma who gets frustrated her daughter is in third grade and cannot spell basic site words. The Momma whose child reads an entire grade level behind. The Momma who is trained in all things education, advocacy, special education, and uses the Barton Method with fidelity. The Momma whose heart still breaks because of the mountain my daughter has to climb when it comes to literacy.

In the beginning, my “M” started off great with reading. I was so proud of her bringing home her little level A books and reading every night in Kindergarten. She made progress and was moving through the standards guided reading levels. I never suspected a thing. I was confident she would make gains and learn to read and write. Then, in second grade, something changed. It was like she just got stuck. It took longer and longer to move to the next level. Words confused her. She guessed all the time when reading and could not spell. She avoided writing and reading. She would find ways to get me or the computer to read it for her. She would send video and audio responses instead of typing them. She was a pro at avoidance strategies!

I know it was not her teacher. She had the most amazing teacher. A woman who is an expert in her field. This teacher knows literacy inside and out. I have the utmost respect for her ability as an educator and her opinion. If this teacher could not get my daughter to make progress, I knew something was up. She moved to third grade and these problems persisted (even with another excellent teacher). Yet here I was, a trained advocate and a trained teacher questioning my own insight. I am someone who knows about pedagogy, methodology, and child development. I found myself wondering, “Is there something wrong? Is she not paying attention? Is she not working hard enough? Did I not read enough to her? Did I not make her read enough? Was she not in a literacy rich environment?” I went through all those questions and self-doubt that I warn parents about. Everything I knew about Dyslexia went out the window. Everything I knew about teaching and learning, forgotten. I just could not fathom that my child, the child of an expert, was struggling. I was not trusting my instincts that she was struggling because of Dyslexia. I knew it in my core and could not admit it. I am ashamed of this fact.

My thought process was completely skewed. Yes, my daughter had reversals of letters, but that is not the only indicator of Dyslexia, it could just be a developmental thing. So, I dismissed it. Yes, my daughter mixed up letters when she wrote words. Again, it could be developmental. Her spelling? Atrocious! Her reading fluency? Choppy! Her ability to decode words? She guessed! I had to take a hard look at all of these pieces of evidence. I could not blame her teachers, they were wonderful. I could not blame myself, although I tried. I could not blame her, unfortunately I tried this too. It boiled down to understanding this was all beyond her control because she lacked the tools she needed.

We started the Barton method in May. This was not easy. She did not want Momma to see how she had been coping, compensating, and covering. It was eye opening. Her struggle was far worse than I had thought. One lesson could take three, 45-minute sessions for her to process. Sometimes, I had to go back and re-teach lessons. She needed explicit, repetitive, multi-sensory instruction. It was a whole new way of looking at literacy and it was a major shift for her. This philosophy contradicted everything she had been taught about Reading and Writing. Now on level 4, I still remind her not to guess and to use her knowledge of language and letter sounds to decode a word.

I wish educators would understand, this is such a long road. It takes patience, determination, and strength to do what you know your child needs. I wish educators would understand this is not made up, not an excuse, and that parents of children with Dyslexia are not crazy. I wish they would not be so dismissive. I wish they knew that certain methods of teaching reading will do more damage than good. A multi-sensory method will serve my child far better. Reading and writing is not one size fits all and being trained in multiple methods will benefit students. I wish educators would do an in-depth study on Dyslexia to understand it better. I wish they would understand the years I have spent studying Dyslexia, working with students who have Dyslexia, and advocating for them; then maybe they would see the validity to the discussion. I wish they could see how using an inappropriate method severely affects children with Dyslexia. It makes them hide who they are. It makes them pretend because they think they are dumb.

My daughter is smart and spunky. She is creative and funny. She is so much more than her struggle, her guided reading level, or her poor spelling. She is full of beautiful ideas that are difficult for her to express through written language. Last year, I had a little girl who would never read signs wherever we went. This summer, at Reptile Gardens, she read every sign and piece of information we passed. I almost cried. I had a girl who would not write thank you cards because she could not spell all the wonderful things she wanted to say. Now, she makes cards for fun. I had a girl who would never pick up a book and read to herself. (She preferred catalogues because of the pictures.) Now, she will choose a book to read because she wants to. She was bored this weekend and uttered the words,” I guess I’ll read a book.” What? I love that!
It has taken us 7 months to move 4 levels in Barton. That is unusually long. This just speaks to how much time we needed to understand basic sounds. She processes slowly and we only work on it a few times a week because it is exhausting for her. She still has struggles. She still cannot spell “people”, but we are working on it. She can, however, understand digraphs, blends, long and short vowels, and a myriad of other things she could not do 4 months ago. This is the best decision I have ever made for her. I am giving Barton time to fill the holes left by guided reading and then will likely pursue a 504 plan.

It is sad I do not trust the public schools across the state of South Dakota to handle Dyslexia appropriately. (It is not their fault; they lack training and understand of this complex disability.) She does need specialized instruction from the school, and I am fortunate to have the training to provide that for her. Most parents do not. She will also need accommodations. She may need audio books or verbal responses on tests. Her work will need to be looked at for its ideas instead of its spelling. She needs things that can reveal her true intelligence and help everyone see her beyond Dyslexia.

I look forward to the day when she can read and write confidently. I know Dyslexia will always be an issue for her. I am thankful I can give her the tools she needs to make progress and find success. I am thankful for my training and understanding of this topic. I am thankful for this platform to tell my daughter’s story. I hope this reaches another family struggling, another family with questions, another family who does not know what to do and needs help. I am here. The Dyslexia community is here. We can help. Thank you for reading. www.inspire1learning.com

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